Let Them Explore
I was thinking about Halloween this week—reminiscing about past years, both my own childhood Halloweens and my children’s when they were young. It was always such a fun time finding the perfect costume. The choices changed as the kids grew—from a fairy princess to an astronaut to a crayon. Different ages and phases meant different costumes.
It struck me what a great parallel that is to children growing up.
As parents, we often have preconceived ideas about what our child will want to do or be interested in, even from a very young age. Sometimes these ideas come from our own experiences—or our lack of them. Sometimes they come from wanting our children to be “better” or achieve more than we did. And sometimes, if we’re being honest, they come from a place of filling our own needs—watching our children “perform” in ways that make us feel fulfilled or validated.
Whatever the motivation, most of it is well-intentioned. But there’s a downside, too. As parents, we have to be aware of when our expectations might be getting in the way of our children’s exploration. We need to check our egos and ask ourselves whether we’re truly supporting their interests or subtly steering them toward ours.
Childhood should be a time of exploration—of researching life by actively participating in it. What a child loves in middle school may completely change by high school. And who better to decide that than the child themselves? The more opportunities we give our kids to try new things, the more they’ll learn about who they are—what they like, what they’re good at, and what’s worth their time. Without that freedom, they risk following a path we’ve created for them, not one they’ve discovered for themselves.
Some kids will go along with the path we set for them—maybe because they truly love it, or maybe because they love that we love it. A pediatrician once told me that kids are very aware of how much time parents spend on certain things. When we pour a ton of energy into one activity, we’re quietly telling them it must be the most important thing.
As they get older, if they decide on their own to dive deep into something, that’s amazing—that’s their passion taking root, not ours. But not every child reacts that way. Some push back, while others keep doing something only out of guilt, not joy, because they don’t want to let us down.
So it’s worth asking ourselves: What are our actions really telling our kids? Where we spend our time shows them what we value most. Is that message aligned with what we truly believe is important?
We only have about eighteen short years before our kids take their leap into the world. Let’s spend those years helping them explore, try, fail, grow, and find what lights them up. Let them choose their own “costumes” as they figure out who they are.